guilt

I feel guilty for spending time on myself getting ready because I should be doing something productive. That is a dumb idea because it is misogynistic. But is it all misogynistic to want to look good all the time? I look at other women who have their make up and hair done, and I don’t hold them to the same emotions. I admire they gave themselves time to invest into their looks. I think about how not everyone can have that lifestyle, so the fact they do is nice to see. Because I feel guilty for getting ready, I will wait to the last minute to start the process. Then I am rushing and obviously don’t like the experience or outcome and it is a self fulfilling prophet. In the past year, I’ve been able to give myself more time or lower the expectations of getting ready, and I am slowly beginning to feel at more peace.

Everyday I think about how much femininity I want to perform.